Learning Fine Dining In the Army
Folks that have never been in the military have missed out on some fine training. Some of the training just comes as part of the military. One of the most interesting things is that often the training stays with you for a lifetime. Learning to eat in the Army was one of those things for me.
I quickly learned in basic training that the Army was very responsive to the soldier’s wishes. When we went through the breakfast line the drill sergeant told us to tell the cooks how we wanted our eggs. I grew up liking my eggs cooked well and so I told the cooks that I wanted my eggs “over hard”. I was a bit surprised that my eggs were barely warmed and thrown running on my plate. Of course I was understanding and realized that the cook must have mixed up my order with someone else’s. The next day the same thing happened. After a bit I understood what the drill sergeant was telling us. Yes, we could tell the cooks how we wanted our eggs but it made absolutely no difference what you would get for eggs. If it made the soldier feel good to tell the cook how he wanted his eggs he could but that was the only thing it was going to do.
Eating in the field was also very valuable training. It is hard for me to understand but I hear there are lots of folks that have not eaten in some of the wonderful conditions that we did. There are times that I hear people say they can’t eat something or that they couldn’t eat some place. Oh yes they could if they were hungry enough or told to when they had to follow orders. I have eaten things that I didn’t have any idea what they were and if I had it still wouldn’t have tasted like something I would have recognized. And I have eaten in places that I never thought of as a dining room. There is a reason why the Army calls it’s places of eating “mess halls” and some of the other services call theirs “dining facilities”.
One of the fun things about eating in the field was we never what we were eating. Normally we ate breakfast before it was light and dinner after it was dark. So when we went through the mess line we had no idea what they were putting on our plates. They used only a few red lights in the mess tent, which they said was for tactical reasons, so they couldn’t see either. Often they put the salad on the bottom, the main meal on top of the salad, and then the dessert ended up on the very top. Then when we ate in the dark every fork full was a surprise. One fork full could have some dessert, main dish and salad all in one shot. Every bite was a surprise and something never experienced before. I still don’t put salad dressing on my dessert when I have a choice.
And I understand there are folks out there that have not eaten on the hood of a truck and yet those that have eaten from the hood felt they were the lucky ones because they had a table of sorts. Most of the time we ate sitting on the ground or standing and holding our plates. When we played really tactical we had to stay at least nine meters apart. The idea behind that was that if an enemy artillery round landed it wouldn’t kill all of us. Or perhaps they didn’t want all of us to have our fine meal interrupted.
There are many things many folks don’t know about eating C-rations. The first and most important thing that a person needs to know is that you either eat them hot or cold but you never eat them luke warm. When the C-rations are cold you can open the top of the can of meat and you will find a quarter inch of fat that is stiff and can be scooped off and thrown over into the brush to feed the varmints. Remember where you threw it and don’t sit there next time you eat. If the C-ration is heated first the fat is all mixed in and it goes down okay but if it has cooled a bit it really is hard to keep the fat from sticking in your throat. So remember, if you eat them cold scoop the fat off first and if you eat them heated get at them when they are good and hot. Okay hot, there isn’t anything good about them.
The Army had a few heat tablets to heat the C-rations with but we rarely saw them. The best way to heat C-rations is to take the crackers out of the can they come in and put about one inch of gravel in the bottom of the can. Then go to the aircraft and drain enough JP-4 (jet fuel) into the can to cover the gravel. This makes a great fire. Okay, it’s a little smoky and it gives that burned fuel smell to the area. Reminds you of a barbeque gone wrong. Then you punch a hole in the top of the can of food you are going to heat with your P-38 (the can opener that comes with C-rations).
Following this you are ready to set the can on your stove. It’s best to set the can only about three quarters of the way over the stove so you don’t extinguish the fire. If you have the time or plan on using your stove can over again you can make a product improvement by making some holes around the side near the top. That allows you to put the can to be heated all the way over the top of the stove without extinguishing the fire.
You will need something to safely handle the hot cans with. Pilots always have potholders with them. The nomex/leather gloves work really well for handling the hot cans. It’s actually best to use a fairly new pair and not an older pair that may be soaked with jet fuel. Old ones covered with fuel add an odor to the meal that may be objectionable and can give you a hot hand if they get too close to the fire.
The other thing that experienced C-ration eaters know is that the best two meals to get are the ones that have the peaches and pound cake. If you get the meal with either one of those you start asking who has the other. Then you offer to give the other person half of your peaches or pound cake for half of what he has. Peaches and pound cake are one of the very best things to be found in C-rations.
Now the smokers should be aware that cigarettes come in every box of C-rations. Rarely does anyone try to smoke the things. Often they are thirty years old, made before filters were put on cigarettes, and they are dried out to the point where they burn fast. I have seen the times when smokers were out of cigarettes and decided to smoke the things. Even old hard-core smokers said they were pretty bad and they only lasted a few puffs.
The cigarettes and smokers both lasted only the few puffs. The cigarettes were gone and the smokers had had enough of that.
Unlike the MREs (meals ready to eat) that followed the C-rations, C-rations did not come with a tiny bottle of Tabasco sauce. The soldier had to carry his own Tabasco or borrow some from friends. There are some items in the C-rations that don’t need Tabasco sauce but there are very few. Almost every meal is aided with the use of Tabasco Sauce.
There are a few of the meals that absolutely require Tabasco sauce. In case you don’t know, Dr. Seuss must have been an Army soldier. How else would he have known about or even thought of green eggs and ham? The first time a soldier opens a can of eggs and ham he gets quite a shock. He was expecting something that looked familiar but instead comes face to face with something kind of a greenish blue color. Almost without exception the new C-ration eater is a bit taken back and asks if they are spoiled. Of course they aren’t spoiled – they are green eggs and ham! They need some Tabasco and you’ll never know what you are eating. Well, you really don’t ever know what you’re eating but you know what the can said it once was. Put Tabasco on it! Your taste buds will be burned enough to keep you from knowing what it really is.
When you get to the pork slices it is best to put one slice on one cracker, dowse with Tabasco sauce and top off with a second cracker. That way you get the dryness of the cracker with something of unknown origin in the middle. The spaghetti dinner is the only one that I could handle without Tabasco. Try to get one of the cheese packets and put that in the spaghetti while heating it and it will really stick to your ribs. It sticks to the spoon, your mouth and everything else but it’s worth it.
If you are really hard-core you’ll even eat the peanut butter. Be careful not to spill the oil when opening the can. You will need to mix that oil back with the dried out lump of peanut butter. It’s good there isn’t any crunchy peanut butter because it will stick to the roof of your mouth like nothing you have ever tried. So I recommend you have fairly clean hands because after a few minutes you will need to stick your finger in your mouth to get the peanut butter off the roof of your mouth. Even the super dry C-ration crackers can’t keep that stuff from sticking to the roof of your mouth!
I really should add a warning about the date nut and chocolate rolls. You may be tempted to eat them but be prepared. You will need a good quart of water to get either one of those babies down. They are not just low on moisture; they must be a minus two hundred percent on moisture. Without water to quickly rescue you, you will dry up and blow away in the wind in minutes. The rolls are both useful and dangerous. If you are only going to be in the field for three days or less and don’t want to go to the bathroom for a number two then eat one of the rolls the first day. You are safely plugged up for that period of time. Eating two or three of them in just a few days is not recommended and could cause a permanent condition. Do not exceed recommended dosages!
Other valuable items in the C-rations are the toilet paper, candy bars, hot chocolate powder and gum. The candy bars are ones made by the lowest bidder and ones you have never heard of before. But they are the best you can find in the field. The gum will bring back childhood memories because they don’t make that kind any more. The hot chocolate powder can either be used to make a cup of hot chocolate in your canteen cup or if you are real hard-core, you can eat it for dessert. You take a spoon full of the powder and put it in your mouth. Be careful no to cough when you have this mouth full of powder because you will shoot out a spray of terrible looking powder. It is very dry and it will take you a moment to get enough liquids in your mouth to get the powder unstuck from the roof of your mouth but it is quite fun. I still take a spoon full every once in a while to remind of the good old days. You should be able to figure out what to do with the toilet paper. Try to keep a couple of spare packages in your helmet bag because sooner or later Army chow is going to go through you at a high rate and you will need all the paper you can get for that job.
There are experiences in life that help you prepare for what life may throw at you in the future. The things we experience today may be priceless preparation for tomorrow. Eating Army chow has helped many a person choke down some less than wanted food to be polite later in life. Being battle hardened in the Army with its chow and everything else has made much of the rest of life seem very do-able.
I quickly learned in basic training that the Army was very responsive to the soldier’s wishes. When we went through the breakfast line the drill sergeant told us to tell the cooks how we wanted our eggs. I grew up liking my eggs cooked well and so I told the cooks that I wanted my eggs “over hard”. I was a bit surprised that my eggs were barely warmed and thrown running on my plate. Of course I was understanding and realized that the cook must have mixed up my order with someone else’s. The next day the same thing happened. After a bit I understood what the drill sergeant was telling us. Yes, we could tell the cooks how we wanted our eggs but it made absolutely no difference what you would get for eggs. If it made the soldier feel good to tell the cook how he wanted his eggs he could but that was the only thing it was going to do.
Eating in the field was also very valuable training. It is hard for me to understand but I hear there are lots of folks that have not eaten in some of the wonderful conditions that we did. There are times that I hear people say they can’t eat something or that they couldn’t eat some place. Oh yes they could if they were hungry enough or told to when they had to follow orders. I have eaten things that I didn’t have any idea what they were and if I had it still wouldn’t have tasted like something I would have recognized. And I have eaten in places that I never thought of as a dining room. There is a reason why the Army calls it’s places of eating “mess halls” and some of the other services call theirs “dining facilities”.
One of the fun things about eating in the field was we never what we were eating. Normally we ate breakfast before it was light and dinner after it was dark. So when we went through the mess line we had no idea what they were putting on our plates. They used only a few red lights in the mess tent, which they said was for tactical reasons, so they couldn’t see either. Often they put the salad on the bottom, the main meal on top of the salad, and then the dessert ended up on the very top. Then when we ate in the dark every fork full was a surprise. One fork full could have some dessert, main dish and salad all in one shot. Every bite was a surprise and something never experienced before. I still don’t put salad dressing on my dessert when I have a choice.
And I understand there are folks out there that have not eaten on the hood of a truck and yet those that have eaten from the hood felt they were the lucky ones because they had a table of sorts. Most of the time we ate sitting on the ground or standing and holding our plates. When we played really tactical we had to stay at least nine meters apart. The idea behind that was that if an enemy artillery round landed it wouldn’t kill all of us. Or perhaps they didn’t want all of us to have our fine meal interrupted.
There are many things many folks don’t know about eating C-rations. The first and most important thing that a person needs to know is that you either eat them hot or cold but you never eat them luke warm. When the C-rations are cold you can open the top of the can of meat and you will find a quarter inch of fat that is stiff and can be scooped off and thrown over into the brush to feed the varmints. Remember where you threw it and don’t sit there next time you eat. If the C-ration is heated first the fat is all mixed in and it goes down okay but if it has cooled a bit it really is hard to keep the fat from sticking in your throat. So remember, if you eat them cold scoop the fat off first and if you eat them heated get at them when they are good and hot. Okay hot, there isn’t anything good about them.
The Army had a few heat tablets to heat the C-rations with but we rarely saw them. The best way to heat C-rations is to take the crackers out of the can they come in and put about one inch of gravel in the bottom of the can. Then go to the aircraft and drain enough JP-4 (jet fuel) into the can to cover the gravel. This makes a great fire. Okay, it’s a little smoky and it gives that burned fuel smell to the area. Reminds you of a barbeque gone wrong. Then you punch a hole in the top of the can of food you are going to heat with your P-38 (the can opener that comes with C-rations).
Following this you are ready to set the can on your stove. It’s best to set the can only about three quarters of the way over the stove so you don’t extinguish the fire. If you have the time or plan on using your stove can over again you can make a product improvement by making some holes around the side near the top. That allows you to put the can to be heated all the way over the top of the stove without extinguishing the fire.
You will need something to safely handle the hot cans with. Pilots always have potholders with them. The nomex/leather gloves work really well for handling the hot cans. It’s actually best to use a fairly new pair and not an older pair that may be soaked with jet fuel. Old ones covered with fuel add an odor to the meal that may be objectionable and can give you a hot hand if they get too close to the fire.
The other thing that experienced C-ration eaters know is that the best two meals to get are the ones that have the peaches and pound cake. If you get the meal with either one of those you start asking who has the other. Then you offer to give the other person half of your peaches or pound cake for half of what he has. Peaches and pound cake are one of the very best things to be found in C-rations.
Now the smokers should be aware that cigarettes come in every box of C-rations. Rarely does anyone try to smoke the things. Often they are thirty years old, made before filters were put on cigarettes, and they are dried out to the point where they burn fast. I have seen the times when smokers were out of cigarettes and decided to smoke the things. Even old hard-core smokers said they were pretty bad and they only lasted a few puffs.
The cigarettes and smokers both lasted only the few puffs. The cigarettes were gone and the smokers had had enough of that.
Unlike the MREs (meals ready to eat) that followed the C-rations, C-rations did not come with a tiny bottle of Tabasco sauce. The soldier had to carry his own Tabasco or borrow some from friends. There are some items in the C-rations that don’t need Tabasco sauce but there are very few. Almost every meal is aided with the use of Tabasco Sauce.
There are a few of the meals that absolutely require Tabasco sauce. In case you don’t know, Dr. Seuss must have been an Army soldier. How else would he have known about or even thought of green eggs and ham? The first time a soldier opens a can of eggs and ham he gets quite a shock. He was expecting something that looked familiar but instead comes face to face with something kind of a greenish blue color. Almost without exception the new C-ration eater is a bit taken back and asks if they are spoiled. Of course they aren’t spoiled – they are green eggs and ham! They need some Tabasco and you’ll never know what you are eating. Well, you really don’t ever know what you’re eating but you know what the can said it once was. Put Tabasco on it! Your taste buds will be burned enough to keep you from knowing what it really is.
When you get to the pork slices it is best to put one slice on one cracker, dowse with Tabasco sauce and top off with a second cracker. That way you get the dryness of the cracker with something of unknown origin in the middle. The spaghetti dinner is the only one that I could handle without Tabasco. Try to get one of the cheese packets and put that in the spaghetti while heating it and it will really stick to your ribs. It sticks to the spoon, your mouth and everything else but it’s worth it.
If you are really hard-core you’ll even eat the peanut butter. Be careful not to spill the oil when opening the can. You will need to mix that oil back with the dried out lump of peanut butter. It’s good there isn’t any crunchy peanut butter because it will stick to the roof of your mouth like nothing you have ever tried. So I recommend you have fairly clean hands because after a few minutes you will need to stick your finger in your mouth to get the peanut butter off the roof of your mouth. Even the super dry C-ration crackers can’t keep that stuff from sticking to the roof of your mouth!
I really should add a warning about the date nut and chocolate rolls. You may be tempted to eat them but be prepared. You will need a good quart of water to get either one of those babies down. They are not just low on moisture; they must be a minus two hundred percent on moisture. Without water to quickly rescue you, you will dry up and blow away in the wind in minutes. The rolls are both useful and dangerous. If you are only going to be in the field for three days or less and don’t want to go to the bathroom for a number two then eat one of the rolls the first day. You are safely plugged up for that period of time. Eating two or three of them in just a few days is not recommended and could cause a permanent condition. Do not exceed recommended dosages!
Other valuable items in the C-rations are the toilet paper, candy bars, hot chocolate powder and gum. The candy bars are ones made by the lowest bidder and ones you have never heard of before. But they are the best you can find in the field. The gum will bring back childhood memories because they don’t make that kind any more. The hot chocolate powder can either be used to make a cup of hot chocolate in your canteen cup or if you are real hard-core, you can eat it for dessert. You take a spoon full of the powder and put it in your mouth. Be careful no to cough when you have this mouth full of powder because you will shoot out a spray of terrible looking powder. It is very dry and it will take you a moment to get enough liquids in your mouth to get the powder unstuck from the roof of your mouth but it is quite fun. I still take a spoon full every once in a while to remind of the good old days. You should be able to figure out what to do with the toilet paper. Try to keep a couple of spare packages in your helmet bag because sooner or later Army chow is going to go through you at a high rate and you will need all the paper you can get for that job.
There are experiences in life that help you prepare for what life may throw at you in the future. The things we experience today may be priceless preparation for tomorrow. Eating Army chow has helped many a person choke down some less than wanted food to be polite later in life. Being battle hardened in the Army with its chow and everything else has made much of the rest of life seem very do-able.
posted by Bruce | 11:53 AM
1 Comments:
Some pretty funny comments on army chow and very true. In Vietnam I was assigned to the jet engine test cell, at the end of the flightline. We even tested chopper engines. We would test all the jet engines that were recently repaired to make sure they operated as advertised. Since the five of us were isolated, it was more cost effective for just our group to be blown to bits than to blow up half the base. I had a few close calls. We were too far from either the army or air force mess halls but, unfortunately, there was a marine mess about a mile away. They had two varieties of food, raw or overcooked. We worked the 12 hour night shift and walked there and back, when we were fortunate enough to get a chow break. The chow was really bad, I mean really bad. It often made me sick and after a few tries, I just ate my C rats at the test cell. The walk to and from was spooky too and you never knew what lurked in the bushes. My favorite C rats were the ones that included fruit cocktail and the worst was the ham and eggs. I understand that C rats were superior compared to K rats, although I never had the pleasure, my Dad and Dad-in-law convinced me that I was lucky. I spent most of my time in Nam running to the outhouse and a little time running away from things that go boom in the night.
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