There Goes the Outhouse
or, Swinging Outhouses
Officers in the Army were always given extra duties to take care of. Sometimes these jobs were pretty clear and well defined but other times there was a great deal of wide-open spaces to define what the job was. While stationed down in Texas in a tactical unit I saw some of the most creative use of this wide-open space.
Probably as long as pilots have been flying different kinds of aircraft there has been rivalry between the pilots of the different types of aircraft. That kind of rivalry existed between Cobra pilots and "Huey" pilots. "Huey" pilots flew the "Huey" helicopter produced by Bell Helicopter and flew troops and supplies around. They were the backbone of Army aviation and were the great workhorses in Vietnam. But pilots that flew gun ships were typically pretty proud. Some military studies even used words like arrogant, obnoxious, and overbearing. These were certainly pretty harsh words but fairly accurate for many of the Cobra pilots. In the Cobra pilot’s defense I must say that it took a special kind of person to sit behind the sites and pull the triggers and know that they were shooting at people. Additionally the Cobra was a more demanding aircraft to fly than any others the Army had at the time. Perhaps these reasons were why the Cobra pilots were often picking on the other pilots, especially the Huey pilots.
Hueys were sometimes referred to as “slicks” because they were “slicked down” and didn’t carry any guns. At other times Hueys were called “slugs” because they were a little slower than the Cobras and crawled along. Therefore Huey pilots were sometimes called “slick drivers”, “slugs” or “slug pilots”. Cobra pilots spoke these terms with disgust and they often spit afterwards to get the bad taste out of their mouths. It really was in fun to me but some seemed to take it pretty seriously. I used to tell the Huey pilots that, “They would still be crawling around on all fours if Cobra pilots hadn’t made them stand up on their hind legs and walk like a man”. We had a great fun rivalry!
One of the additional duties assigned to one of the slick pilots in Texas was Sanitation Control Officer. His additional duty included ensuring the troops used proper sanitation while in the field. It was before the Army used Port-a Johns in the field. In those days soldiers were told to go to a designated area and dig a “cat hole” for their use.
This young slick pilot wanted to do well with his additional duty so he came up with the idea of taking a toilet seat and fastening a couple of boards on it. These boards would then be attached to ropes, which would be tied to a tree limb. The person then needing to “use the facilities” had a very comfortable seat and it seemed like quite a neat idea. After one or two trips to the field catastrophe struck. A tree limb broke and a pilot went down! He was a bit messy but uninjured. The Sanitation Control Officer was chewed out and told not to use his invention any more. He was very concerned that he was in trouble and needed to do something to redeem himself.
The Sanitation Control Officer decided he needed to do it right the next time. He gathered a group of pilots together and asked for help to build an old fashioned outhouse. It would be constructed with a hook on the top so that when the unit went to the field it could be slung under one of the Hueys going to the field. We went to work and soon had a fine outhouse ready to go. It was a three-holer decorated with stars and a moon. It was a fine work of art! It was completed in time for our next trip to the field. It made quite a site swinging under a helicopter as we headed out!
We had used our outhouse on about three different trips to the field and it was working well. The Sanitation Control Officer felt he was out of trouble with this great innovation. As the Cobra instructor pilot it was part of my job to lead the Cobra pilots to bigger and better things and I was doing my best. I was calling the Huey drivers "slugs", spitting, and telling them that we were doing that for their own good so they would stand up on their hind legs and walk like men. It was in this kind of a mood that we ventured to the field again.
After a couple of days in the field I headed towards the famous three holer for a business trip. I entered and prepared for business. I was the only one in there at the time. Suddenly the door flew open and in came three green smoke grenades! Smoke grenades did not have explosive capability but they did put out a great deal of smoke. I of course, tried to exit out the door but found it to be held by some slug drivers! There was no other way out of there! I was in full field equipment and knew what I must do immediately. I reached to my side and pulled out my gas mask and donned it. (“Donned” meaning putting it on and clearing it as if in a biological or chemical attack.) I then continued with the business I had come to take care of in the facility. When I finished I found the door no longer being held shut and went on my way none the worse for wear. The only noticeable things were that my white underclothing was now green as was all of my exposed skin.
The slug drivers had gotten me back in spades! It took a little washing but soon I was looking normal again. We had about three more days in the field and I slept well. The slug drivers on the other hand, had very restless nights. They became very concerned that there would be retaliation and had to take turns staying up all night guarding their area. During the day they were very cautious and left guards around their area. I didn’t need to retaliate. I had given it out to them for quite a while and I would have probably done the same thing had I been in their place. Besides, they were up on their hind legs and walking like men now! Yes, we did play rough with each other but remember who we were. We had been in war and a little giving each other a hard time helped to deal with everything we had been through.
Honestly, I have always had great respect for the guys who flew the Hueys in Vietnam. They flew in formations so tight that they often overlapped the rotor blades. They went in under fire and dropped and picked people up. They held their formations when being shot to pieces. I wanted to either run or shoot back but I didn’t want to sit there and take it like they did! They had guts! I saw them go in with flights of ten and only six come out and they then said they would be right back with the next lift to the same spot! My hat is off to them!
Don’t’ dish it out” unless you can take it! And more than just take it, take it with class. There are many people who want to “kid” others or “dish it out” but cry when it comes back their way. The saying, “Sooner or later the chickens come home to roost” is really pretty true. What we give to others will come back to us some day! The slug drivers weren’t out to hurt me – we were all playing. We dished it out in a big way and they gave it back in a big way. It was all in fun! I still laugh about being turned green and hope they do too!
Officers in the Army were always given extra duties to take care of. Sometimes these jobs were pretty clear and well defined but other times there was a great deal of wide-open spaces to define what the job was. While stationed down in Texas in a tactical unit I saw some of the most creative use of this wide-open space.
Probably as long as pilots have been flying different kinds of aircraft there has been rivalry between the pilots of the different types of aircraft. That kind of rivalry existed between Cobra pilots and "Huey" pilots. "Huey" pilots flew the "Huey" helicopter produced by Bell Helicopter and flew troops and supplies around. They were the backbone of Army aviation and were the great workhorses in Vietnam. But pilots that flew gun ships were typically pretty proud. Some military studies even used words like arrogant, obnoxious, and overbearing. These were certainly pretty harsh words but fairly accurate for many of the Cobra pilots. In the Cobra pilot’s defense I must say that it took a special kind of person to sit behind the sites and pull the triggers and know that they were shooting at people. Additionally the Cobra was a more demanding aircraft to fly than any others the Army had at the time. Perhaps these reasons were why the Cobra pilots were often picking on the other pilots, especially the Huey pilots.
Hueys were sometimes referred to as “slicks” because they were “slicked down” and didn’t carry any guns. At other times Hueys were called “slugs” because they were a little slower than the Cobras and crawled along. Therefore Huey pilots were sometimes called “slick drivers”, “slugs” or “slug pilots”. Cobra pilots spoke these terms with disgust and they often spit afterwards to get the bad taste out of their mouths. It really was in fun to me but some seemed to take it pretty seriously. I used to tell the Huey pilots that, “They would still be crawling around on all fours if Cobra pilots hadn’t made them stand up on their hind legs and walk like a man”. We had a great fun rivalry!
One of the additional duties assigned to one of the slick pilots in Texas was Sanitation Control Officer. His additional duty included ensuring the troops used proper sanitation while in the field. It was before the Army used Port-a Johns in the field. In those days soldiers were told to go to a designated area and dig a “cat hole” for their use.
This young slick pilot wanted to do well with his additional duty so he came up with the idea of taking a toilet seat and fastening a couple of boards on it. These boards would then be attached to ropes, which would be tied to a tree limb. The person then needing to “use the facilities” had a very comfortable seat and it seemed like quite a neat idea. After one or two trips to the field catastrophe struck. A tree limb broke and a pilot went down! He was a bit messy but uninjured. The Sanitation Control Officer was chewed out and told not to use his invention any more. He was very concerned that he was in trouble and needed to do something to redeem himself.
The Sanitation Control Officer decided he needed to do it right the next time. He gathered a group of pilots together and asked for help to build an old fashioned outhouse. It would be constructed with a hook on the top so that when the unit went to the field it could be slung under one of the Hueys going to the field. We went to work and soon had a fine outhouse ready to go. It was a three-holer decorated with stars and a moon. It was a fine work of art! It was completed in time for our next trip to the field. It made quite a site swinging under a helicopter as we headed out!
We had used our outhouse on about three different trips to the field and it was working well. The Sanitation Control Officer felt he was out of trouble with this great innovation. As the Cobra instructor pilot it was part of my job to lead the Cobra pilots to bigger and better things and I was doing my best. I was calling the Huey drivers "slugs", spitting, and telling them that we were doing that for their own good so they would stand up on their hind legs and walk like men. It was in this kind of a mood that we ventured to the field again.
After a couple of days in the field I headed towards the famous three holer for a business trip. I entered and prepared for business. I was the only one in there at the time. Suddenly the door flew open and in came three green smoke grenades! Smoke grenades did not have explosive capability but they did put out a great deal of smoke. I of course, tried to exit out the door but found it to be held by some slug drivers! There was no other way out of there! I was in full field equipment and knew what I must do immediately. I reached to my side and pulled out my gas mask and donned it. (“Donned” meaning putting it on and clearing it as if in a biological or chemical attack.) I then continued with the business I had come to take care of in the facility. When I finished I found the door no longer being held shut and went on my way none the worse for wear. The only noticeable things were that my white underclothing was now green as was all of my exposed skin.
The slug drivers had gotten me back in spades! It took a little washing but soon I was looking normal again. We had about three more days in the field and I slept well. The slug drivers on the other hand, had very restless nights. They became very concerned that there would be retaliation and had to take turns staying up all night guarding their area. During the day they were very cautious and left guards around their area. I didn’t need to retaliate. I had given it out to them for quite a while and I would have probably done the same thing had I been in their place. Besides, they were up on their hind legs and walking like men now! Yes, we did play rough with each other but remember who we were. We had been in war and a little giving each other a hard time helped to deal with everything we had been through.
Honestly, I have always had great respect for the guys who flew the Hueys in Vietnam. They flew in formations so tight that they often overlapped the rotor blades. They went in under fire and dropped and picked people up. They held their formations when being shot to pieces. I wanted to either run or shoot back but I didn’t want to sit there and take it like they did! They had guts! I saw them go in with flights of ten and only six come out and they then said they would be right back with the next lift to the same spot! My hat is off to them!
Don’t’ dish it out” unless you can take it! And more than just take it, take it with class. There are many people who want to “kid” others or “dish it out” but cry when it comes back their way. The saying, “Sooner or later the chickens come home to roost” is really pretty true. What we give to others will come back to us some day! The slug drivers weren’t out to hurt me – we were all playing. We dished it out in a big way and they gave it back in a big way. It was all in fun! I still laugh about being turned green and hope they do too!
posted by Bruce | 4:07 PM
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